halp!

My Husband Has Let Himself Go & It’s Bad

He’s not the man I married, and I desperately want the old version back. by Penelope

Welcome to Ask A MWLTF (Yes, that’s Mother Who Likes to F*ck.), a monthly anonymous advice column from Scary Mommy. Here we’ll dissect all your burning questions about motherhood, sex, romance, intimacy, and friendship with the help of our columnist, Penelope, a writer and mental health practitioner in training. She’ll dish out her most sound advice for parents on the delicate dance of raising kids without sacrificing other important relationships. Email her at askpenelope@scarymommy.com.

I’m a fit and attractive (for 46, I think) mom of four mostly grown kids. Two are still at home and in high school. My husband and I met in college, where we were both athletes. Physical fitness and wellness has always been a priority for me.

DH was always a big guy; 6 feet 3 inches and 230 lbs. of lean muscle in his prime. Over the years he’s worked out less but hasn’t changed his diet, and with the stress of his last job ballooned to over 300 lbs.

This is problematic on so many levels. Most importantly, he has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure at age 45, and spent a week in the hospital and two months in cardiac rehab. He’s now on multiple medications that he must take daily. He has severe sleep apnea caused by his obesity and has to sleep with a CPAP machine. None of his clothes fit properly because he refuses to buy new ones, insisting his old clothes will fit when he loses the weight. With his heart condition, he is supposed to limit salt and alcohol, which he does NOT do. In the evenings he sits in front of the TV with a cocktail, and makes multiple trips to the kitchen for snacks — chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, a big handful of chocolate-covered almonds.

And his weight has really affected our sex life. I find myself physically repulsed by his obesity, and sex hasn’t been satisfying for years. His size makes it really hard to do the things that used to get me off. If I’m on top, his belly is in the way of getting good penetration; if he’s on top I’m being smothered. When we are intimate, which isn’t often, maybe once every couple weeks, we do it from behind so I don’t have to look at him. I’m not into toys — I feel like they would become a crutch to further enable him to not make any changes. Sex has become a chore I endure so he doesn’t pout that we don’t “do it” enough, which he does. I can’t remember the last time I had an orgasm with him. I go to bed earlier than he does and pretend to be asleep so he leaves me alone. I get up early before he does to go work out, so there’s no opportunity for pre-dawn sex.

I have asked him repeatedly to speak to his doctor about options like GLP1s or semaglutide, but insurance won’t cover it and $1,000 a month is not something we can afford. He walks the dog but does very little other exercise. I cook healthy meals and fill our fridge and pantry with healthy food, but he just goes shopping on the side for things he wants that I don’t buy, like potato chips, and other processed food like Twinkies or Cheez-Its.

READ MORE: https://www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/my-husband-has-let-himself-go-its-bad